For the past few years, we have lived in a world where truth is stranger than fiction, and where truth is not valued by many people. When we listen to the news or read a news report, we are skeptical about the veracity of the content. When my son was in junior high school some 30 years ago, we were having a discussion and he said, “Mom, the truth is whatever you believe it to be.” My reaction was a swift, “no it’s not! Truth is truth.” Facts are facts. However, I have learned that perception of truth varies with individuals. When my daughter was in high school, she complained that I was “always yelling at her.” In fact, I rarely “yelled.” It’s just not my nature. Finally, I realized that her perception that I was yelling was based on the truth that I was saying things she did not want to hear.
While Jesus’ words in the Gospel of John (8:32) have often been taken out of context, it is often said that the truth will set you free. However, this isn’t always true. I have learned that telling the truth will also get you into trouble. Mind boggling, I know, but it is the truth!
Now, before I go further, since this blog was created originally to talk about Grace, let’s consider what grace is. The Oxford Languages dictionary defines grace “(in Christian belief) as the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.” Did you get all of that? For me, God’s grace is simply the unconditional love and forgiveness that God freely gives to us. It is a beautiful gift that we cannot earn, and do not deserve, yet it is lavished on us continuously and unconditionally. God’s grace is amazing!
Grace is a blessing that we receive from God, and in turn it is a blessing that we are called to pass on to everyone. Everyone needs love. Everyone needs forgiveness. Thankfully the grace we receive from God is a given. However, many Christians struggle with passing it on, even those who are actively living as servants of God. It is so much easier to judge. Am I right?
If you have read this blog, particularly So… How DID I Get Here? Part 8 Epilogue, you will know what happened to me earlier this year. When it happened, I was terrified… and thankful that I had not hurt or killed anyone, including myself. Nearly passing out while driving in traffic could have been a disaster on many levels… but thanks to the grace of God, I recognized it for what it was… a sign that I needed to take care of myself for a while. I had put my needs aside because I love the work I have been called to do. I was a suffering servant, or, to use the phrase crafted by Carl Jung, I was a wounded healer. It is the wounds that I have experienced that make me good at what I do for congregations. After all, experience is a wonderful teacher. Because of my dedication to my call to serve, I sometimes have sacrificed too much. I have not granted grace to myself. So, I believe God knew I needed a break… however, I wish that it had been made clear in a less dangerous fashion!
I believe God communicates with us through “signs.” From the beginning God has used a variety of ways to communicate with humans: angels… burning bushes… heavenly voices… the authors of the books of the Bible… Jesus. Signs seem to be another way that God communicates with us now. Perhaps you have experienced signs that you believe could only have come from God. You just knew it in your heart of hearts that God was speaking directly to you. I have had a few experiences like this over the years and they have taught me to be alert… so I don’t miss them. I’m sure I’ve missed a few, but a near death experience is not one to easily forget! So, once I recognized it as a sign, I shared my story, and I told the truth… exactly as it happened. And created a storm by doing so.
I truthfully was stunned by the reaction I received from telling my story. Then it occurred to me that the people who felt I let them down might have reacted differently if I had been hurt or killed, or had hurt or killed others. And it was an awful realization that it’s sometimes easier to love and forgive the injured, dying or dead than it is to treat the living with grace.
I expected grace and understanding, yet I received judgment… and anger. I believe that if I had died, they would have found it easier to act out of grace, and empathy, and compassion, and understanding, and kindness. But I was alive… and I made a decision to do what was best for me at the time… and I received judgment. The people of grace whom I believed were most likely to understand and support me, only made me feel worse because I had let them down.
Truth sometimes comes with a price. Sometimes it is easier for us to hide in the shadows rather than let the truth reign free. When I work with congregations in transition, I always encourage them to tell the truth about who they are… even if the truth may be costly. Calling a new pastor under false pretenses rarely ends well. It’s best to paint an honest picture of who you are, what you value… and what you will not accommodate. There are always surprises when a pastor starts serving a new congregation, but hopefully none of them are so shocking or disheartening that they become dealbreakers. I have followed pastors who were not a good fit for a congregation and in the end the congregation and the pastor suffered. I always wonder if being more transparent and more truthful would have been beneficial for all concerned.
I’m sure that the people who were less than gracious to me in my time of need did not mean to be that way. When something unexpected happens, we all react differently. I would have loved to have experienced understanding and grace, but I do not hold anything against those who found it impossible. I don’t know what was going on in their lives at the time, so I will not judge them. Even though they disappointed me when I needed grace the most, I thank God every day that I have had many good times and experiences with them, and I expect to have more in the future. By practicing grace, I am able to let it go and move on. I am at peace.
For the most part, my memories of Beau are now safely stowed away in my heart. My grief has waned to a dull heartache at times. I wake up happy. I feel like laughing again. I have been leading worship and preaching in churches when the pastor has been on vacation. And it feels good!
Beau will always live in my heart and for that I am grateful. He was my ministry partner, my travel buddy, and my best friend. Now it’s time for me to move on and make new memories… by serving more congregations in transition… and with a new dog someday who will bring me as much love and companionship as all of my other dogs have.
Thanks for continuing this journey with me. Practice grace at all times and in all situations… even when you don’t feel like it. It’s what God does for us, and thus calls us to do for others.
Grace Notes 